What is Therapy?

Society has opened up to the idea of mental health as people have begun to learn about the benefits of therapy. Still there are many who remain unclear as to what therapy is, with a general understanding that it involves talking to someone. Listen, I get it.

Most articles about therapy are stuffy and full of clinical jargon that either makes it as boring as a school textbook with no pictures and/or plain difficult to understand. My mission is to avoid doing that in hopes of readers coming away from this blog article with clarity and insight.

So what is therapy? Therapy is a tool, or rather a toolbox of things to help you maintain your mental health. And just to make sure we’re on the same page, mental health is health…it is not mental illness. The same way you go to the gym to work on your physical health, your therapy session is your safe space to work on your mental health (side note: there’s a reason this sentence is underlined, but we’ll get to that later). Therapists are just professional personal trainers, but for your mental muscles (mind) rather than your physical muscles.

Therapy is whatever you need it to be, keyword being need. When you start therapy for the first time, it’s hard to know what to expect. The therapist talks to you about areas of your life where you’re struggling to determine what your needs are and how they can help you. No two clients are the same. One client might be having performance anxiety in grad school while being a single parent and business owner and another client might be a survivor of sexual abuse struggling with navigating a world where they’re unsure who’s a threat and who to trust. Some clients are couples coming to therapy because they’re drifting apart and other couples are seeking premarital therapy to be better prepared to build a healthy life and relationship together.

Therapy is not just a form of health care for people with “mental problems”. Or for “crazy people” as society and culture sometimes likes to depict it. Let’s face it - any type of reaction or behavior to something abnormal is not and should not be considered crazy or abnormal. It’s normal to have a reaction to something abnormal. It is not a normal situation. Using words like crazy are what stigmatizes or creates a bad perception of mental health and prevents people from even acknowledging what therapy can do to benefit their lives.

Therapy is for anyone experiencing problems in their life, which pretty much applies to everyone. We all have different experiences meaning we all struggle with different things. Our experiences impact us and both the experience (event) and the impact (effect) varies in severity. Every experience we have affects us (positively or negatively) in three ways: mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally, which affects various areas of our lives (relationships, work, school, etc.). Whether you're experiencing a problem in these areas or not, therapy is an insightful tool to help you gain insight into yourself, others, and the world. It equips you with tools and knowledge that you will find invaluable when interacting with others and navigating life.

What do I mean by therapy is whatever you NEED it to be? Like I said, therapy is a toolbox of many different concepts and skills meant to benefit a person. If you need it to help you overcome something, then do that. If you need it to process through a life-changing event, then do that. If you need it to help you attain success in your career, then do that. If you need it to help you communicate and understand others better, then do that. If you need it to develop better relationships with your kids, then do that. If you need it to help you cope with stressors, then do that. If you need it to help you find yourself again, then do that. If you need it to have someone in your life to listen and understand you, then do that. If you need it to vent because life is really trying you, then do that. BUT YOU HAVE TO WANT IT. And trust me when I say there are many people who want therapy, because they see the value and difference it’s made in their lives.

Remember that underlined sentence from earlier? It was basically an analogy: gym is to physical health as therapy session is to mental health. Now imagine meeting your new personal trainer at the gym and telling them you “want to get in shape but without putting in all that work”. The personal trainer might give you an incredulous look, because you have to: 1) put in the work to get results and 2) be self-motivated to work for it.  The same goes for therapy.

Therapy is work. It’s more than just talking with someone. It’s about YOU utilizing the time during a therapy session and the guidance and support of your therapist, so you can put in the internal work to face what you’ve been running from - your fears, anxieties, doubts, insecurities, regrets, resentments, past, future - all affecting your life in the present moment. Confronting the problems in your life takes work and you have to want it. The therapist can’t want it more than you do. You have to want it for yourself. That’s the only way therapy will work - if you want it because this means you will consistently show up for yourself and put in the work - time (patience), energy, and effort to see results. This doesn’t just apply to the therapy sessions alone.

What you do outside of your therapy session matters. Just like what you do outside of the gym matters (eating healthy foods, rest days, etc.). If you want to see the change in your life, you have to implement what you learn in your therapy sessions, outside of therapy. In other words, you can’t just talk about it, you have to be about it.

This brings to mind Gandhi's famous words, “Be the change you want to see in the world”. It’s about recognizing the changes that are needed for good and being that change (leading by example).

There are people who have tried therapy and they say it didn’t work. You might have heard this from a friend or maybe you’ve even said it yourself. Therapy doesn’t work if you don’t work it. If you go to your therapy session and talk to your therapist about your problems, but then leave the session and go right back to the same patterns, how do you expect to see change? Forgetting everything from your session does not serve you - it keeps you stagnant and before you know it, you’re telling your therapist you don’t want to continue therapy because it’s not working. There are the instances where perhaps you and your therapist are not a good fit, but this isn’t always the reason or truth as to why “therapy isn’t working”.

The possibilities are endless with therapy. I’m sure many people can tell you therapy changed or even saved their lives. Therapy can help you find yourself again or maybe even help you figure out who you are for the first time. No doubt the process isn’t a straight path. There are loops, twists, and turns, because life itself is a roller coaster. Knowing you don’t want to live your life in complacency will point you in the direction of growth. You just have to make a conscious decision about what you want, put in the work, and practice accountability to maintain consistency. I feel it’s important to say that you don’t have to feel 100% about therapy to start. You can go into therapy feeling unsure about what to expect, as so many people do. In fact, most therapists welcome you to openly share your feelings of uncertainty about therapy, so you can navigate through this together. What’s important is you go into it with an open mind and an understanding that this is a time dedicated for you to find your way through whatever obstacles you’re facing, with a therapist providing the guidance and support to help you get there.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and have gained some clarity and insight into therapy and mental health. Please feel free to share with someone who might benefit from reading. If you or someone you know is seeking therapy, contact to schedule today!