Aren’t Men Human Too? The Dehumanization of Men by Prioritizing Masculinity Over Human Emotion

If you were to attend one of my psychology classes when I was in college, one very distinct thing you would’ve noticed is how few men there were. That is if there were any male students at all. Thankfully this has been changing and there are more men entering the field. Why? Because men need safe spaces to talk too. Not just women.

In recent years there have been shifts in acknowledging the importance of males opening up, talking, and expressing themselves. And I’m not referring to the bullshitting, slap-on-the-back type of interaction we see in movies and shows. I mean the conversations where they get real about what they're struggling with. Having the hard conversations isn't easy for anyone, but it serves a purpose in processing and reflecting on events in our lives. Emotions are valid and very much HUMAN. Stuffing it down is harmful to men and their mental health. While awareness is increasing, there are some in society that still have to unlearn what they’ve been taught.

There is a common societal and cultural misconception that because men are “expected” to be strong and masculine, that any sign of emotion implies weakness. But wait…an angry man isn’t perceived as weak. And anger is a valid emotion every man identifies with. Why is anger readily accepted in society as a display of emotion from men, but not other emotions? One reason is because of the way anger has been portrayed throughout history in the media. Think of the Hulk-big, strong, powerful…and seemingly angry. As a whole, society has been conditioned to view anger in the same realm of strength, power, and masculinity. This is problematic for more reasons than one.

If men are praised for displays of strength, but condemned for weakness, it creates an unhealthy relationship with emotion and what it means to be strong. Think about that for a moment. Acceptance of men only showing emotions that are linked to power and force, essentially, paints a distorted picture that emotions linked to vulnerability are weak, and therefore unacceptable. This creates a society of men who feel unsafe in being open and transparent with what they’re struggling with. How does this play out? I’ll tell you.

I used to work in the circuit criminal division of the court, handling felony cases. Individuals coming into the program experienced mental health and/or substance abuse issues. While we didn’t primarily take cases involving violent crimes, some cases still involved aggressive behavior. One thing that will always stay with me is the fact that every year the male clients drastically outnumbered the female clients. So in 2023, I conducted research of my own.

Here’s what I found:

It’s not just about the difference in total arrests. It’s also about the difference in arrests for violent crimes amongst the male population in comparison to the female population.

Now remember what I said earlier: Acceptance of men only showing emotions that are linked to power and force, essentially, paints a distorted picture that emotions linked to vulnerability are weak, and therefore unacceptable. This not only sends the harmful message to men that they can’t show emotions (other than anger) as it supposedly implies weakness, but that they also can’t talk about what they’re struggling with. We are silencing their pain. As you can see by the statistics in my findings, males’ inner turmoil is suppressed until it finds an outlet and the end result is rage. This is why males outnumber females for violent arrests. This is also why the rate of suicide is higher amongst men than women. Men are suffering in silence rather than feeling safe to confide in others. Even the ability to talk and confide in other men is something that most men wouldn’t dare to approach, because not only is it “taboo”, but there’s a certain discomfort with it. They might not know how to express themselves, who they can trust to talk to, or how to provide or receive social/emotional support.

Depending on cultural beliefs, some may not see the need for men to express their emotions, but let’s ask ourselves this: Aren’t men human too? Emotions are human. The generations before us dehumanized males by telling them to “suck it and stop crying”, but we now know how harmful this is for men, their partners and families, and for the community. The constant prioritization of masculinity over being human strips men of their humanity and their ability to connect with others, keeping them isolated and suffering in silence. Emotions are human and men should feel secure in being emotional and vulnerable.

Vulnerability, which is a topic by itself, takes tremendous strength and trust. Society has also conditioned us to view vulnerability in the same realm of something that’s delicate, but this couldn’t be further away from the truth. It goes without saying that vulnerability is only meant for those spaces and people in your life that you can trust. This is what is considered a safe space. In a safe space, you can talk about what’s under the surface without the fear of being judged and misunderstood. Expression of emotion through open communication (in a safe space) helps you to release your inner turmoil in a healthy way…before you feel the weight of the pressure, which would otherwise cause you to act before you think. Being vulnerable in the right space, with the right person, has the potential for growth and strength. What do I mean?

Men, I’d like you to think about this: imagine that you’re in a healthy relationship and you’re talking with your partner. You begin telling your partner about something you’ve been running from but playing in your mind on repeat. Normally, you wouldn’t open up like this, but you realize your relationship is a safe space, where you both feel secure and supported as individuals. Your partner listens without judgment and you feel the weight being lifted off your chest. You feel at ease and your partner now understands you better and can offer support. This type of vulnerability strengthens your bond (relationship), because you let your guard down (in a safe space-relationship), you’ve effectively communicated (expressed thoughts and emotions), and you helped your partner to gain clarity and insight about your struggles. Your partner can now show up for you in the way you need them to. It’s at this moment you realize that you don’t have to wage an internal war alone.

When we treat men like humans, they feel safe and supported enough to take off the mask society has forced them to wear, and simply be human, with human emotions. Being male and human are not two separate entities. They are one and the same. It’s time we start prioritizing humanity over masculinity, supporting boys and men as they connect with their emotions and the people around them, because there’s a better way than the way it’s always been done.

Love & Light Journey offers therapy for men seeking a safe space to talk. Traditional therapy (regularly scheduled sessions) and Solution-Focused Consults (two-session problem-solving approach) are available. Contact to schedule.

If you’re in crisis, you can dial, text, or chat with 988 (National Suicide Prevention Hotline) to seek help.