Why healing and loving yourself after a break-up is so important

Why do so many relationships not work out? We see it all the time. Marriages end in divorce, people break up, and some even stay in an unhealthy, toxic relationship where there’s no sign of improvement. The underlying reasons are people often:

1) Start new relationships or “situationships” before taking the time to heal

2) Want to love and be loved, before they learn how to love themselves

Why is it so important to heal and love yourself before starting another relationship? So you can know your worth and heal the parts of you that aren’t ready for the vulnerability that’s required to love someone completely. That way when you meet someone and begin dating, you can be with that person for all the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.

Going on a healing journey after a break-up or divorce is a time for personal growth where you find yourself. Ending a relationship is hard…it’s painful and you need time to heal. As someone who’s been there before, I understand if you don’t want to take the time to heal. In fact, you might even feel a strong desire to seek pleasure just to avoid the pain of the loss. It’s normal and to be completely transparent, it might be part of the process. Everyone’s journey looks different.

Take my journey for instance. I had my ups and downs - moments of loneliness and times where I cared more for others than myself, but I got to a point where my healing (and my happiness) became non-negotiable. I made a commitment to myself - to give me the time and patience I needed to heal. My healing journey was my Love & Light Journey. I found love and light for myself and true independence in knowing I create my own happiness - that it’s not solely dependent upon another person. Finding this security in yourself holds immense power - so why make a commitment to love another, before you can even make the commitment to heal and love yourself?

Now think about it in reverse. If you can show up for yourself, how does that impact how you show up for someone else? Taking time to focus on yourself gives you the opportunity to process what you’ve been through and heal. You might have to overcome loneliness or a fear of abandonment. You may have gone through trauma you need to process. You might need time to grieve in order to fully move forward. When you prolong the healing, you prolong the hurt…for you and that other person that may walk into your life. Unresolved issues find their way into the relationship. A lack of love for yourself can distort your perception, and without self-awareness, you may not feel prepared to navigate arguments that may arise. This is the point where self-control may not be exercised and hurtful things are said out of fear, insecurity, and pride, tarnishing the connection you have with your partner. This is not love. This is where relationships fail. Partners stop listening and start treating each other with something other than love - hurt feelings, resentment, and more. But as I’ve explained, the problem didn’t start here. This is where brokenness and lack of love leads us - to toxic relationships devoid of love.

I once thought that we find love, but I have come to learn that…Love finds us when we least expect it. There are couples who find each other while one or both partners are on their healing journey. You can support each other during this time, but there needs to be clear communication and understanding. In a relationship, you should feel seen, heard, and understood by your partner. No relationship is perfect, but in a healthy relationship, partners love and support each other, while creating a safe space for vulnerability, connection, and growth. There is understanding that you are partners and not opponents. So, after a breakup, take some time to heal and love yourself, because you deserve a love like this. You might be surprised to find that while you’re busy working on yourself, the love that was worth waiting for, might find you when you least expect it!

Not sure how to love yourself? Read my last article here.

Wishing you an abundance of Love & Light!