Emotional Regulation: Sitting With Your Emotions
- Nakita Ali, MS
- Aug 14, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 15
You may have heard the saying, you can’t control what happens, but you can control how you respond. Controlling a response such as an emotional response is easier said than done, but is it possible? Absolutely. Life can feel overwhelming. When so much feels out of your control, focusing on the things that you can control, like your emotions, helps to ease your anxiety so you can think and react clearly.
When your emotions are taking over and you feel it’s too much to handle, try sitting with your emotions. I will explain how to do this in just a moment.
First, I want to quiet those doubts in your mind. You’re questioning how to control something that overwhelms you and you might think “I can’t do this”. BREATHE. You can do this. You do not have to be a prisoner of your mind, allowing your emotions to control you. You have the power to choose how you feel or how someone makes you feel. Emotions may come, but you don’t have to stay in that uncomfortable feeling. Two insightful quotes come to mind as I write..
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” by Eleanor Roosevelt and “you've got to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions or else you'll lose yourself every time” by Lewis Howes.
You’ve got this. It just takes practice and requires you to be self-aware. A consistent active effort on your part is key if you expect to see change in your ability to handle your feelings.
One other thing it requires is a PAUSE, so you can sit with your emotions. At this point, you’re probably thinking, “a pause? when do I have time to do that? I’m lucky if I get a moment to myself”. Trust me, I get it. We are wearing more hats than ever, while trying to find a balance between everything in our lives.
Listen…YOU have to make yourself a priority when it comes to your mental, emotional, and physical health. Sitting with your emotions is not something that’s promoted in a society where we are taught to push down our feelings, ignore it, or numb it (with various substances) until the pressure becomes overbearing. The consequences of losing ourselves to our emotions are often too much to bear. For instance, saying or doing something hurtful to a loved one, only to live in guilt and regret later. It’s a ripple effect, you see. What do you do? Make a conscious decision to be intentional with your time and pause when you need to.
“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse” - James Rohn.
Side note: pausing does not have to be a huge chunk of time. This is just my way of saying take a moment to process what you’re feeling, whether that be in the moment or later in the day.
Now, to guide you through sitting with your emotions. If you’re going through a difficult time or if you’re just having an off day:
Pause
Try sitting in a quiet space (put your phone on DND). If the silence is ‘too loud’, put on some soothing sounds.
Breathe and allow yourself to feel.
Identify the emotion that’s coming up for you. This is sometimes half the battle as emotions are complex and not knowing what we’re feeling can make us feel stuck. If you’re having difficulty labeling the feeling(s), try using a Feeling Wheel. I have attached a PDF of the Gottman Institute Feeling Wheel below.
Breathe through the feeling. If you need to cry, cry. This is a release your body may need. Be patient with yourself as you go through the motions.
Process your emotions with the accompanying thoughts going through your mind. Journaling is a great method to put your thoughts on paper and get them out of your head.
Reflect on the moment - the emotions you identified, your thoughts (what you’ve written), your body’s sensations.
Self-Inventory: Ask yourself, how am I feeling now?
After you’ve taken the time to pause, process, and reflect, you should be feeling calmer and more in control. If your mood has not changed, try engaging in healthy activities that bring you joy - this creates positive feelings, causing a shift in your mood. Here are a few examples:
Gratitude journal
Dance
Get out in nature or play with your fur baby (pets)
Workout or play a sport
Watch an interesting show or movie
Settle in with a good book
Listen to a podcast (positive mindset talks are a personal fave)
Tend to your plants - visit Plant Therapy to learn how PLANTS MAKE US HAPPY!
Listen to music - if you start with melancholy music, gradually shift to upbeat songs. You might be surprised to see that your mood will naturally elevate.
Indulge in your favorite snack (Note: keep in moderation as ‘eating your feelings’ could create an unhealthy relationship with food).
Visit your local cafe - hello to all my coffee & tea lovers!
Talk to a friend or loved one for social/emotional support.
Spend quality time with friends.
Take a trip to your favorite store - book store, plant shop, motorsports store, etc.
Be mindful of your needs - eat if you're hungry (hangry) and rest if you’re tired. If your body is depleted, you might find that you’re less able to control what it is you’re feeling.
Remember, this will get easier with practice. When you're going through it, it feels impossible to defeat, but you have to go through in order to overcome.
If there is something taking place in your life that seems to be the root of your emotional problems, scheduling a therapy session with a therapist will help you to explore the problem on a deeper level and get to a space where it no longer affects you.
