America is Heavy.

Avoiding is a coping mechanism until it's not.

I wrote once that Western society has conditioned us to take what we’re feeling and stuff it down. Ignore it. Avoid it. Move on to the next task. This has become even more clear today. There is so much pain and anguish. While there are some acknowledging it, there are many who have not taken the time to acknowledge the heaviness. This speaks volumes.

A little of what I see folks doing are:

-avoiding the heaviness

-looking the other way

-not slowing down to process

-living life as though everything is normal

-being uninformed (understandable to an extent)

What this shows is that avoidance is winning. This is understandable as avoiding something can mean protecting our peace and our sanity (it is a coping mechanism).

What it also shows however, is there is a limited capacity to cope. And who can blame you, right? Who can blame any of us? Nobody. We need to live in a safe environment. This is non-negotiable. But it needs to be SAID. It needs to be acknowledged. Not denied. If we deny what our reality is, we are denying our needs and compromising our ability to cope. Our communities are not safe.

We need safe environments.

We need safe communities.

We need safe relationships.

We need safe communication.

We need safe spaces to express ourselves.

We need a government that provides safety.

We need leaders who look out for the needs of all.

We need those in power to not abuse power and deny our reality.

We need to maintain our humanity.

Avoiding the real state of our community and nation at large is only doing what we have been conditioned to do…work, ignore, stuff it down. And the last I checked, moving forward without PAUSING is what harms our mental health.

Acknowledging what is NOT okay is OKAY. We need to.

NOW - let’s PAUSE.

Inhale…

Exhale…

Inhale…

Exhale…

As a human and Therapist, I help and uplift others. I start my day asking myself “how can I be of service to the community?”. As an empathic Therapist, I am also an advocate. I use my voice for those who have no voice. I stand up for humanity, human rights, and the importance of equality. I stand up to the oppressive forces that abuse power to exert control over others. If I didn’t, that would not make me a very good Therapist. To that end, I am also a sounding board. Hear me when I say that our communities are not warzones, but they are being treated as such. Power is being abused and Western society is regressing as evidenced by the acts of violence, denial of truths (reality), and inhumanity we are seeing. No, the United States has never been equal for all. People of color have ALWAYS had to fight for rights and justice. There has not been progress in America’s equality, and FOR NO VALID REASON. And now, we are regressing.

In psychology, we identify something as abnormal if it is unhealthy, resulting in clinical distress and impairment. America is in a state of distress. This means that our reality is abnormal. This means that the distress we feel is valid.

Dr. Viktor Frankl, who was a Holocaust survivor, once said “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior”. In other words:

The heaviness you feel is valid.

Anger is valid.

Sadness is valid.

Rage is valid.

Hurt is valid.

Pain is valid.

Grief is valid.

Anguish is valid.

Shock is valid.

Fear is valid.

Concern is valid.

Confusion is valid.

Disappointment is valid.

Survival mode is valid (but should not be necessary in a healthy, functioning environment).

Yes, I’m a Therapist, but I’m a human first and I feel all of this. If you’re feeling this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and what you feel is VALID. If you feel isolated, this is valid too, and it is another reason I am speaking to the importance of acknowledging reality. Aside from the need for safety, we need our social support systems. These are friends and loved ones. I think at this point many of us have had moments where we express all of these very valid feelings, only to experience a lack of reciprocity. Silence. Or even a suggestion to block it out. This is invalidating. I have come to realize that if I were to be this way with my clients, I would not be able to be there for them. This did not hit me at first. It was part of the process really, and I am grateful to have trusted the process, to have stuck with my gut, and to have kept my eyes wide open. I’d say my ears too, but this has been an ironic thought as of late…we can’t close our ears in the same way we can close our eyes, and yet listening remains one of the hardest things for humans to do. I promise you, I am listening. Everything is not okay, and it is okay to admit that because it makes it real; valid. It enables us to process through it. It allows us to come together, rather than suffer in silence.

I have a saying through all this: “I’m trying to keep the Love & Light with the Love & Light”. This is my way of saying safety is my top priority and keeping aggressive commenters away from any of my healing spaces is key. I will not however allow abusive individuals to silence me, preventing me from being an advocate and sounding board. This is a healing, safe space and will always be treated as such. My goal is to be of service, not of disservice. <3

If you walk away from this article with anything, let it be this:

Avoiding is a coping mechanism, until it’s not. It silences our needs.

Pausing to feel your emotions, won’t take away from your peace. It’s how we cope.

Saying the world is heavy right now, won’t take away from your purpose.

Offering words of validation and support is a way to show up for others.

Being informed is good, but it doesn’t have to consume you (enforce boundaries).

The need for safety in every facet of our lives is never negotiable.

Being heard and seen indicates safe communication.

No one is ever allowed to minimize or deny your reality.

Coping tools to help you pause and process through all the difficult thoughts and emotions are available on my other Blog Article: Emotional Regulation: Sitting with Your Emotions. You’ll be able to download free tools and subscribe if you like. The next article coming soon is about Trauma and Safety Issues becoming an epidemic in America.

Stay Safe

Your Therapist & Advocate,

Nakita Ali